


The Blue Phoenix

by PhantomShadow1115



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Airplane Crashes, Amnesia, Angst, BAMF Kuroko Tetsuya, Badass Kuroko Tetsuya, Dark Kuroko Tetsuya, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Akashi Seijuurou/Kuroko Tetsuya, Kuroko Tetsuya is a Little Shit, Kuroko Tetsuya-centric, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Murder, Out of Character Kuroko Tetsuya, Post-Canon, Self-Hatred, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23436400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomShadow1115/pseuds/PhantomShadow1115
Summary: Kuroko has been MIA since the end of his first year of high school. The GoM have tried looking for him, but eventually gave up. The GoM split up in their despair, though they didn't really blame each other. Seirin mourned their lost brother, but everyone had to continue with their lives. Kuroko wasn't going to be in their future, he had no more to do with their lives anymore. The Shadow had just vanished! What happens when Kuroko returns two years later, but completely different and the weight of his crimes weighing down so heavily on his shoulders?
Relationships: Akashi Seijuurou & Kuroko Tetsuya, Aomine Daiki & Kuroko Tetsuya, Generation of Miracles & Kuroko Tetsuya, Kagami Taiga & Kuroko Tetsuya, Kise Ryouta & Kuroko Tetsuya, Kuroko Tetsuya & Momoi Satsuki, Kuroko Tetsuya & Seirin High Basketball Team Members, Kuroko Tetsuya & Takao Kazunari, Kuroko Tetsuya & Tetsuya #2 | Nigou, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 55





	1. It's Been A While

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is my first time posting on Ao3, so I'm sorry in advance. I'm still learning all the bells and whistles, so... yeah. Thanks for your indefinite patience!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Return of Kuroko!

**Kise P.O.V.**

Kise was just taking a walk in the park. He had on a white V-neck, dark grey-blue skinny jeans, and golden-brown shades. He sipped coffee from a nearby cafe. He was just supposed to be taking a small break today. After all, today was the day. The day Kuroko disappeared. Kise sighed. His high school life was not supposed to go like this. Kise was supposed to keep on challenging Kuroko and Kagami forever.

Kise was supposed to be able to keep fighting against Seirin, Rakuzan, Yosen, Shuutoku, and Too. Kise was supposed to keep playing with Kaijou. He wasn't supposed to quit basketball because it was so painful. He wasn't supposed to move to America because he couldn't look at Japan without feeling like his chest was being crushed by an elephant. None of this was supposed to happen.

But it did. Kise shook his head. Kise knew that Kuroko would have fought with everything he had to get home. Kuroko was not coming home.

"Ah, Akashicchi would kill me if he knew how much I keep thinking of Kurokocchi." Kise whispered to himself, "Akashicchi would not want me to keep dwelling on the past." Kise smirked to himself at the thought of his old captain. Kise sat down at a bench. He finished his coffee and threw away the cup.

" **Um...** " a stranger's voice said in English, " **Can you give me directions to the nearest airport?** " Kise looked at the young man sitting next to him. He wore a black long-sleeve hoodie and navy skinny jeans. There seemed to be a T-shirt underneath the jacket that was the same color as his hair. There were white Beats headphones hanging around the man's neck. His face was long with sharp features.

The man's eyes were a deep azure, like looking down into the ocean with sunlight streaming in, and being unable to see the ocean floor, and he had light blue hair, like a thin and fragile curtain of cloud on a clear summer day, though much of it was covered by the hoodie. Then Kise realized that the man had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and that Kise had just been sitting alone a moment ago.

"KYAA!" Kise shouted, jumping upwards and away from the bench. The man sighed as if he had been treated like this was a familiar situation.

" **A-ah, sorry.** " Kise said sheepishly. Then he realized that the man must have a low presence like Kuroko. Kise knew how annoyed Kuroko would get when people didn't notice him, " **Say, you must have a low presence, huh?** " The man tilted his head at Kise.

" **A low presence? I guess that's one way to explain it.** " the man nodded, " **But yes. How did you know?** "

" **I-I had a... friend who is like you.** " Kise stuttered and sighed at the thought of Kuroko. Kise couldn't bring himself to say Kuroko's name aloud. " **He always did that to me, and just to tease me, too.** " Kise couldn't help but smile at the memories. Such good memories they were.

" **Oh, really?** " the man laughed, " **Haha, sometimes I do that, too!** " Kise smiled. He liked this man. Kise found the man open and really forgiving, especially when Kise had been so rude to him.

" **I'm Ryōta Kise, by the way. You asked for directions, right?** " Kise sat back down and pulled out his phone. He opened up a digital map of the area, " **Here we go, see you...** " and Kise showed the man how to get to the airport.

" **Thank you!** " the man graciously thanked Kise, " **Ah, but I'm so rude! My name's Tetsuya Kuroko, thank you for your help.** " Kise felt like he'd been struck in the face with a pan. TETSUYA KUROKO?!? As in the Kuroko Tetsuya that had suddenly vanished from Kise's life a couple years ago?

"K-Kuroko Tetsuya?" Kise stuttered, not even realized that he was speaking in Japanese, "As in, my dead friend from middle school Kuroko Tetsuya?" Kuroko blinked at Kise with much surprise.

"Uh, maybe? But I don't think I'm dead..." Kuroko seemed caught off guard that someone who could speak English so fluently could speak Japanese so well as well, but that was just Kise's assumption. It was hard enough to tell what he was so surprised about. Kise couldn't reply, as his throat had constricted. All that came out was a small strangled noise.

Could it be? Could Kise have finally, finally found him?

"Why are you going to the airport?" Kise asked. Where was Kuroko going now?

"Ah... well... I'm going back to Japan, you see..." He trailed off. Probably because Kise was shooting off rainbows and stars.

"I'm going back to Japan later this week!" Kise said excitedly, "Do you think you could meet me at Maji's? I want to talk to you about where you've been!" Kuroko tilted his head at Kise.

"Maji's?" Kuroko echoed, "Was that... somewhere we went to a lot?"

"..." Kise couldn't form words. How did Kuroko not remember? Some of the GoM's most memorable moments had taken place there! What was wrong with Kuroko

"Ah, sorry, I probably should have explained, huh?" Kuroko grinned sheepishly and chuckled, "Sorry, when I was 15, I got in a plane crash when I was flying to America from Japan. This accident led me to have permanent amnesia. I've been living in America ever since." This explanation was very monotone and robotic, leading Kise to believe that he had said that many times before.

"Amnesia?" Kise echoed dumbly, "Oh, that's why you never came home."

"Hai." Kuroko nodded, but he still looked a bit troubled, "Home... meaning I knew you personally?"

"Hai!" Kise grinned at Kuroko, "We were close friends in middle school, and we had a fight, starting in the middle of our third year, but we got over it!" Kise sighed. He could have said they were best friends, but now Kise didn't want a close friendship with Kuroko, he wanted their old chemistry.

"Really? Wow, was I a dramatic child?" Kuroko asked sincerely, "My grandmother says that I am too expressive." Kise couldn't hold in his laughter.

"You? Expressive?" Kise couldn't believe his ears, "You were the most deadpan, monotonous person I have ever met. If you had heard your best friend suddenly started cross-dressing, you wouldn't even bat an eye!" Kuroko's eyes widened.

"Are you sure you're not exaggerating?" Kuroko asked dryly, "That sounds like... really hard." Kise smiled.

"Yeah, it probably was. But all for basketball." Kise shrugged, "I mean, you loved the sport so much, and it isn't like you're sacrificing much, so you kept up the facade."

"I play basketball?" Kuroko tilted his chin and looked skyward pensively, "And why would I stay so emotionless?"

"No! No!" Kise cried out, a bit ashamed of himself because he didn't do a good job explaining, "I mean, yes, you played basketball, but you weren't emotionless, you just didn't show it! And it was to help you make your low presence a weapon, and to help with your misdirection!"

"Oh! You mean that magic-trick-thing?" Kuroko smiled, "I can see how a low presence, coupled with misdirection would be a fearsome weapon."

"Hai!" Kise thanked Kami-sama that Kuroko understood. How embarrassing would it be for Kuroko if he got the wrong idea? Especially in front of the GoM or Seirin? He was sure to run into one of them, so if Kuroko didn't quite grasp the concept and talked to his old friends, it was going to be a disaster. And Kise would be in so much trouble...

"Ah, arigato gozaimasu, Kise-kun." Kuroko offered a small bow.

"Of course, Kurokocchi!" Kise grinned, "But remember to meet me at the Maji's in Tokyo on the 21st, m'kay? I'll be there by eleven!" Kuroko smiled and waved as he walked away towards the airport. Kise watched Kuroko's retreating form. When Kuroko walked out of earshot, Kise pulled out his phone and instantly called Akashi.

"Ryōta." Akashi greeted from the other side, "Why have you suddenly called?" Kise could barely contain his glee.

"Akashicchi!" Kise whisper-yelled, "Guess who I found!" Akashi sighed. While he had missed the blonde, Akashi had been in no rush to deal with Kise's hyper-ness. Only Kuroko had had the patience to handle Kise. Though it was good to hear that Kise was feeling fairly cheerful today, of all days. 

"How am I supposed to know, Ryōta?" Akashi sighed, "And you haven't answered my question."

"Kurokocchi, Akashicchi! Kurokocchi!" Kise said happily. Akashi sucked in a harsh breath and stiffened at the mention of Kuroko.

"What about him?" Akashi's voice came out colder and harsher than he'd meant it to. Luckily, it was Kise, so Kise didn't mind. Much. Does ice-cold shivers down your spine count as "much"?

"That's who I found!" At Kise's words, Akashi's mind went blank, "I found Kurokocchi in America! But he got amnesia. I don't know the full story, just that now he's going to Japan again. He's going to meet me at Maji's on the 21st, sometime around eleven, so bring everyone there!"

"I... I'll be there, Ryōta." Akashi hung up. Kise couldn't stop himself from rocking on the balls of his feet for a few seconds. Then he cheerfully walked on. While he was excited to see Kuroko again, he couldn't exactly drop everything to hang out with him, no matter how much he wanted to. No, but Kise would finish his work here then meet up with Kuroko.

"I will see you again, Kurokocchi." Kise promised the bluenette, "Promise. And this time around, I'll treat you better than before. I'll be better than before."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally just me copy-and-pasting from Wattpad and Fanfiction.net. So if you liked this fic, then you can check me out on either sites, under the same username, and check out some of my other works. I'm not trying to be tacky, even though this is kinda tacky, I just have a lot of other fics on either accounts that I have yet to post here. If this plot isn't your cup of tea, but you really like my writing style, there are- like, a bunch of other fics of mine that you can read. Just saying.
> 
> You can copy this into your browser and my Wattpad profile should pop up:
> 
> https://www.wattpad.com/user/PhantomShadow1115
> 
> Put this link into your browser and head to my Fanfiction.net profile:
> 
> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/12601095/PhantomShadow1115


	2. Street Mutt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroko arrives in Japan and accidently runs into some familiar faces, though he's not exactly ready to meet his past head on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really think that you need to read most of this until the line thingy, unless you actually care about Kuroko monologuing, introducing Ash, and offering small details. Just thought it would be fair if I warned you.

**Kuroko P.O.V.**

I don't remember the last time I've flown in a plane. Actually, that's not true. Well, technically, that's true, since I don't remember the last time I've flown in an airplane. I've flown on one though, but that's a story for another time.

I know you're probably wondering why I trusted Kise. I mean, for me it felt like I'd just met him. Kise could have easily been a con-artist, or something. But I just felt a connection with him, like my instincts were telling me to trust him. And since, while navigating my old life, I have nothing but my instincts and wits, I literally have no choice but to trust myself, as difficult as that might be. For me, there are two phases of my life, the Before the Crash, or the Before, and the After the Crash, the After. I know nothing about the Before, except for official things (my grandfather pulled in a couple of favors to get some of my files from Japan).

I have no idea if I had a love-life, if I was a nerd, what my likes were, or even who I knew. My phone was destroyed in the plane crash. I know that I lived in Tokyo, Japan, went to Seirin High, Teiko Middle School, and went to Hideaki Elementary. I know that I got average grades, which doesn't make sense, because I'm actually really smart. But that is all I know. Whenever I think about trying to find my old life, I feel a bit queasy and lost.

How do I start? Do you know how big Japan is? Sure, it's a tiny fucking island compared to America, but that doesn't mean shit in the perspective of things like entire fucking countries. Japan is still about _**145,936 mi²**_.I could start at my schools, but I have no idea where they are, and how to get access to my files once I actually get to my schools.

Anyways, I claimed a window seat so I could stare out the clouds. I think I've changed a lot. I mean, I've seen my photos from when I just got out of the hospital. My eyes were a pale blue, but now there was more of a vast ocean instead. Or a deep sky. The doctors think the reason for my eyes changing color is because of the sudden temperature change.

I believe I would be in my last year of high school, but I don't go to school anymore so I wouldn't know. Plus, I'm pretty sure that Japan and California have different school schedules, so hell if I know. A kid started crying so I placed on my bulky around-the-head headphones and pulled out my iPod, scrolling through my songs. I most often hear American songs, and so to keep up with my fellow Street Mutts, I don't listen to J-Pop often (Even if the meanings in the songs are much more deep than American songs). Now I'm listening to "If I Can't Have You" by Shawn Mendes.

The fast beat makes my feet tap and my hands jump and twist together. I stared at the endless expanse of clouds. I think of how wonderful it would be to just live there, in an eternal whiteness. But then, I'd never experience another midnight run atop the roofs of L.A., I'd never get to spend another day with Ash. Ah, right. Ash is my digital friend I met on Instagram. We exchanged numbers and text each other regularly. And, lucky me, Ash lives in Japan. As much as I really want to find out who I am independently, I think that a friend will help me a lot.

I sigh. I still didn't believe that I let Ash talk me into returning to Japan. Ash said that a lot of people are probably worried for me. That's probably true, but... to be honest, I really don't know what I'm going to say to those said people. I don't know them at all, and I don't think they know the new me.

I guess I should say it. When I first came to America, I stayed with my grandparents for a little while. The first half of my first year. But then they passed away, and me, barely able to speak English, could not find a job. Eventually, I started living on the streets.

I earned the name Blue Phoenix after a tattoo I gave myself. On my back, there is a beautifully vibrant and detailed phoenix. It has a long tail, and is the same blue as my eyes. The wings cover my shoulder blades and the wingtips slowly fade to black. The tail follows this pattern as well. I made it myself, drawing it onto a piece of special paper. Then, with the help of a trusted fellow Street Mutt, I brushed chemicals onto the paper with it against my back. This made the ink spread into my skin. I made this tactic up myself. It is painless, and the colors are much more vibrant.

But I digress. I am now a "Street Mutt." Homeless and without a penny. I steal food, but I try to take only what I need. I sometimes stop by food drives. Most fellow Mutts think that stopping by food drives strips you of your dignity because it means that you're unable to fend for yourself, and that makes you weak. I just think of it as time- and energy-saving.

I've gotten into countless street-fights. They're actually kind of fun. There's just this kind of thrill to it. But I wouldn't suggest it. It's like nicotine. It feels good, like a spur-of-the-moment high, but then afterwards you feel drained. And when you feel drained, you feel the need for more. Yeah, at least I had a strong enough mentality to know when to stop. Others were not as lucky. I've become a Veteran Street Mutt. I hold that title high.

Now my iPod is playing "Brother" by Kodaline. I like it. It reminds me of my relationship with Ash. We start landing. My stomach clenches. Not just because we're landing, but because I might want to find out who I am, but I have no idea where or how to start looking.

* * *

I didn't bring anything but my headphones and my iPod. Oh, and a charger. I hoped to nick some food on the way, but no luck. Who knew Japanese security was one to rival America's? So by the time I was walking away from the airport, I was starving. I looked around. It was a clear sunny sky, with few clouds. I just walked. I had no idea where I was going. I was wandering.

I came across a small dark alley with a few trash cans in it. What caught my eyes was a tall dark blue haired man and an equally tall dark red haired man. They were cornered against a wall, surrounded by a Pack of 5, all dark ravenettes. They looked like they were about to beat up. I saw the faces of the red and blue haired men. I'm not entirely sure what I felt right then, but I knew that I had to stop the fight. Normally, no one takes sides against a fight that has nothing to do with them. But I couldn't help it.

"Oi!" I called out, trying to ooze as much confidence as I could, "Stop it, teme." the Pack turned to me, snarling like wolves who'd just been interrupted from their meal.

"Stay out of this, m'kay?" growled one. Yeah right, like I can just walk away and ignore these people. Damn my righteous conscious. Despite being horribly outnumbered and probably about to get on some deranged gang's Most-Wanted List, I laughed. I couldn't help it. I was already feeling the rush of adrenaline. Now that I think about it, street-fighting is my heroin. Crazy dangerous and the after effects absolutely suck, but it gives you a crazy awesome feel. A rush of adrenaline. The thrill when you land a blow on a stronger opponent. The singing in your bones when you win.

"Sorry, as a Street Mutt, I can't take an order from no one." I retorted coolly. The red and blue haired men stared at me in utter shock. I have no idea why.

"Hey-" A tall ravenette walked towards me but cut himself off as he flung a fist at me. I jerked back and grabbed his arm. I twisted it past me, hearing his satisfying yelp and jamming my knee into his arm. I heard a crack and assumed I broke his arm. But just for safety reasons, I made sure to kick him as hard as I could when he hit the ground. The other stared at me in shock. "Care for a taste?" I taunted. The others scattered, fleeing for their lives. I snorted at their disloyalty. You don't turn your back on your Pack, their closer than blood, and that is Pack Law. You give you utmost loyalty to your Pack, for they are your family, you're only home, and your only safeguard against others. You do not just run away and leave your Pack-mate to the mercy of another. But the blue-haired man interrupted my thoughts.

"T-Tetsu?" He asked. His shoulders were bunched up in uncertainty and hesitation. I narrowed my eyes at him. How did he know my name? Did I know him from Before? I certainly had never seen him before. But a small part of by brain pricked. I pushed away all my thoughts and listened to my emotions. There was a huge wall of... trust? I had never felt this way towards anyone, much less two people. I felt like I would hand them control over my life and I wouldn't even look back at them to see what they would do with it. I refused to let my guard drop, no matter what I felt. I guess I know him.

I had found that whenever I met someone I knew in the Before, I feel emotions for reasons I don't know. And there are no memories to go with said emotions. The blue-haired man and the red-haired man just stared at me as if I had come back to life. I didn't answer, and locked my knees and straightened my back. I let my hands ball into fists, and lifted my chin defiantly. I might trust him, but that was from now-nonexistent memories from 3 years ago. Who knew what these men were like? I slowly started to back away. "W-wait!" the red-haired man shouted, holding his hand out in a stopping gesture(I didn't stop slowly backing away), though he made no sudden movements,

"A-are you Kuroko Tetsuya?" I twisted away without replying and spirited away. Yeah, a weak-ass move, but I just... I wasn't ready to confront my past yet.


	3. Katzenjammer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Kuroko sharing some of his insecurities with you! Yay. 
> 
> Just... just read the notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, fair warning, this chapter doesn't really need to be here. This is a short chapter about why Kuroko is so worried and why he's getting into a twist. So if you would just rather not read this chapter, go right ahead. I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with the story.

I was sitting at Maji's Burger. My beats on my head playing, "Please Don't Go" by Joel Adams. The sad music helped calm my nerves, or at least try to. But try as I might, I couldn't ignore the clenching and unclenching of my stomach. I was so nervous. I _hated_ disappointing people. But my friends, based on how Kise-kun had acted, and those other men, they think I've been gone for a really long time, and they've just started healing.

How will they react when they figure out that I don't know who they are? I guess, I haven't really returned to them. I may be Kuroko Tetsuya, but I'm not _their_ Kuroko Tetsuya. Really, I'm more like a stranger. I hold the same name, but I have a different "soul." A different person in me.

I was internally panicking. I was _not_ ready to confront my old friends. What should I say? "Oh yeah, I just took a little vacation in America, sorry for not telling you," or something? I mean, I know that I don't have a criminal record from Japan, so either I was as good as evading the law enforcement as I am now, or I was a really law-abiding citizen. I think it's more of the latter, based on how I felt terrible, like, _influenza terrible_ when I stole my first loaf of bread. So how will my old friends react to my new life? Of running on the streets, stealing and street-fighting left and right?

My old friends, whoever they may be, don't know what hardships I've been through. They don't know what made me go like this. How can they _possibly_ except me for who I am? How can they possibly understand that I am this way because acting like this is the only way to survive? Can they understand that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that the word "katzenjammer" is another word for hangover? But it also can mean chaos, or an uproar.


	4. Mourning Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akashi informs the audience on how the GoM and Seirin took their loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, originally, this chapter was supposed to be merged with the next chapter. But then I realized that I can't exactly pull off a smooth transition from the end of the recap to the next scene as I did on Wattpad and Fanfiction.net, if you can even call that a smooth transition. So I decided to split this chapter up so there's a smoother transition. So yeah.

Akashi slipped on a blazer, hung tie around his neck (but didn't actually tie it, because that would just waste time, and an Akashi never wastes time, but so it would look like he could tie it if he wanted to, but was just in a rush), and didn't even bother with fixing his bedhead. Though it wasn't as bad as Kuroko's, it certainly was a far stretch from his usual cut. He ran to catch the train from Kyoto to Tokyo. Akashi had just called a meeting with the GoM at Seirin High School's gym. He had said it was an emergency, so everyone should be there.

Akashi was so, so nervous. He hadn't seen Tetsuya in years. Once Akashi had heard those words, " _Kurokocchi, Akashicchi! I found Kurokocchi!_ " Akashi felt a chill on him. Akashi's whole world had turned numb. Akashi couldn't taste his own cooking, he couldn't feel accomplishment when his perfect final exams came in. Because Kuroko was back. It had been devastating for the GoM, when they realized that Kuroko wasn't... anywhere.

**They searched high and low, Seirin and a few members from their own teams helping to find the phantom sixth man. Eventually, they gave up. Not even Akashi, with his government resources, could find Kuroko. And if Akashi couldn't do it, then no one could.**

**That was one of the worst moments that Akashi could ever live through. To sit in a chair at Maji's, waiting for everyone to come. To know what he was going to crush in his friends. To know their reactions. To know that Kuroko was gone. To know... everything that was going to happen. Akashi knew the others well enough to know.**

**But knowing is different than seeing. It was so much worse. To see the hope die in their eyes. To feel the despair, knowing that Akashi was so damn _helpless_. He couldn't offer anything that would make them feel better. So he had just sat there in silence. He didn't bother keeping a straight posture. He had stayed in a leaning forward position, he hands clasped together, his elbows on his knees. Akashi couldn't meet their eyes that day. He couldn't make himself watch the light in their eyes die away to nothing.**

**Kise quit basketball. He said he just needed a breather, that one day, he would be back to stay for good. He left for America and set his eyes on his modeling career, though he never lost touch with his old basketball friends. Aomine kept playing, though he was forever scared. The GoM held a special place in Aomine's heart that no one could fill, and since he was the closest with Kuroko, he had taken it the hardest. Aomine fell into a sort of depressed haze. He actually went to practice, on time and everything.**

**Wakamatsu had been really worried for Aomine, mostly because Aomine went through practice without complaining or uttering a word. Wakamatsu, Sakarai, and Imayoshi went around the other schools to try to ask for help from the GoM to help cheer Aomine up. Even for the GoM, Aomine's sudden obedience was unsettling. Though with the help of Kagami and the GoM, he moved on, even if he would always care for Kuroko in his heart.**

**Midorima had kept trucking on, though. Midorima mourned privately at home, but kept up a tight schedule at school and basketball. But somehow, Midorima managed to keep up his social life (or lack thereof). Akashi had marveled at how Midorima had accepted this news so... in stride.**

**Midorima had told Akashi the day they called off looking for Kuroko, "Kuroko has chosen a new life, without us, for a reason. I can respect his decision, or lack of it. Kuroko knows what he wants. If we, for some reason, have wronged him, then there is no sense in rushing him. He'll come back when he's ready, and from there, all we can do is accept the inevitable. It is wrong to selfishly force our own wishes upon him. Can you do that, Akashi?" Akashi wasn't sure. But Akashi had clung to these words like a petrified hawk.**

**Akashi knew that Seirin and Kagami were mourning, that they dearly missed their younger brother. But the refused to let his absence dampen them. They fought on, Kuroko's spirit pushing them forward. Akashi envied them. They were a family. Kuroko had strengthened their bonds.**

**Murasakibara had skipped practice and school for a week. Akashi let that slide because he knew that Murasakibara was in mourning. Akashi didn't know all the details (and he didn't need to), but Himuro had said that Murasakibara had had lots of crying fits and his mood would shift a lot. Finally, Himuro begged Akashi for help, because the purple giant was just wasting away in his room, and that wasn't good for Murasakibara.**

**Akashi's direct words to Murasakibara were, "Get going in your life, Atsushi. Tetsuya would be disappointed in you if you could not battle him because your grades were poor or you hadn't been practicing." Akashi had waited for confirmation from Murasakibara before hanging up. Then Akashi had leaned back in his desk chair. He was so stressed.**

**Akashi had to maintain his school-life with just as much diligence as before. Plus, he was the captain of the basketball team at Rakuzan. If Akashi broke down, who would take care of his team (Not to mention how Akashi's father would react)? Akashi sighed. Tried to remind himself that school comes first no matter what.**

**Plus, as a last resort, Akashi can always count on his teammates... right?**


	5. Mourning Together (Continued)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the chapter, when Akashi informs Seirin and the GoM of Kuroko's return.

Akashi tried to push away his doubt. He was going to meet Kuroko, and Kuroko would tell them what they did wrong, and how they could fix it. Kuroko was going to tell them, and everyone would make up. Akashi could already imagine the bluenette's disapproving frown.

"Is that train?" Akashi muttered underneath his breath. For all he knew, everyone else was already there. Though that was unlikely. Akashi tapped his foot against the ground impatiently. This was the day to meet Kuroko. Akashi hadn't told the others yet, he wanted Kise and Kuroko to confirm everything first. Akashi couldn't bear to see their eyes die again. 

At last, the anxious pressure on his chest forced Akashi to take action. It would take too long to try to rally up the entire station to start working just for him, and nothing would come out of filing a complaint. Then, an idea sparked in his mind. What if he ran all the way from Kyoto to Seirin? After all, if what Kise said was true, if he really found Kuroko, then Akashi would want to spend the whole day with Kuroko, talking about life with their friends.

So running about 297.2 mi (478.9 km) should make up for missing practice, right? And Akashi can always text his team the workout, and Akashi will be able to tell if they're lying about saying they completed it or not. So that's exactly what Akashi did.

**[GIANT Time Skip]**

Akashi thought he might die from exhaustion. He actually started to doubt his decision. Akashi had taken off his blazer and shirt underneath. Akashi was tempted to also take off his pants, it was so goddamn hot, but Akashi still carried his dignity. 

At last, when Akashi's chest felt like it was going to cave in on him, he burst through the doors of the gym. Akashi couldn't breath properly. He dropped his blazer and shirt on the ground, not caring that they were getting dirty. Akashi rested his hands on his knees, hardly able to stand straight. He heard Seirin rushing to him, asking what was wrong. Akashi held up a finger, signaling to them to let him catch his breath.

After a couple minutes, Akashi's heart rate dropped down to a normal pace, and his breathing became less of desperate gasps and more like the breaths of a person who was trying hard not to hyperventilate. While he stood up to face them, Akashi couldn't keep the grin off his face. 

"Did you run from Kyoto to Tokyo?" Kagami couldn't keep the question in. Akashi nodded. 

"Hai." 

"NANI?!?!?!" Everyone yelled. That was expected. Akashi pushed down his laugh.

"I have an urgent-" But Akashi was cut off by the other GoM members coming slamming the door open and rushing in.

"Akashi called an emergency meeting." Midorima explained before Seirin could ask.

"Ah, gomen," Akashi apologized sheepishly, "I guess I was so excited, I guess I forgot to tell you that it isn't a life-or-death emergency. Did I interrupt your studies?" Everyone stared at Akashi. This is basically somewhere along the lines of what was running through everyone's mind: 'He's in such a good mood... What made him feel like this? He's grinning like mad, and he practically admitted a mistake! What's up with the Emperor?'

"A-ah, no." Aomine stuttered, "I was taking a small break." The others nodded with Aomine's statement.

"Good." Akashi nodded, "Now, I have news." Everyone looked at him apprehensively. 

"About... Kuroko-kun." Coach said after a solemn silence threatened the group. Akashi nodded, still beaming.

"Last week..." Akashi hesitated. Should he tell them? Would they break again if he was wrong? No, they were stronger than this. "Ryota called me at 12 o'clock in the morning. He said... he found a man named Kuroko Tetsuya in America."


	6. A Speck of Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At long last! Kuroko and the GoM are reunited, and all is right in the world. But Akashi senses something a bit more. Why is Kuroko so different? What's just... coming off as "off"? And why is Akashi the only one who notices it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is entirely Akashi's perspective, and Kuroko's POV will come in the next chapter.

**Akashi P.O.V.**

...

"Nande?!" Everyone shouted. Akashi nodded.

"Yup."

"I-Is it true?" Kagami asked tentatively, "Have we found him?"

"I'm not sure." Akashi shrugged, "But that's why I came here, I wanted to inform you that with Taiga, the GoM would be meeting with Ryota and supposedly Tetsuya. We will, of course, tell you the outcome of the meeting."

"Okay, but Kagami can only go after practice." Coach said, "Then he'll go meet up with you... wherever you're going." Akashi nodded.

"We'll wait for you at Maji's." Kagami nodded. Then they left.

**[Time Skip]**

Aomine was ordering a bunch as always. Murasakibara got a vanilla milkshake added to his large pile of sweets. Midorima ordered one burger and some water. Akashi himself also only ordered a burger. Akashi was looking around for an open place to sit. Then, he noticed a man wearing jeans and a black jacket.

The hood was up, but Akashi could see light blue hair peeking out of the hood. His head was bowed, so Akashi couldn't see his face. He was sitting at a table large enough to seat more than one person, so Akashi wondered if he was waiting for more people.

Then an odd thought struck him.

"Sumimasen." Akashi said, walking up to him. The man didn't react, so Akashi tried again, getting closer and louder, "Sumimasen, might I trouble you for your name?" The man ignored Akashi. Akashi could tell because he had been right in front of the man when he had spoken. Literally. Akashi's face was less than an inch away from the man's hood. Akashi had put his tray down on the man's table, not wanting to spill and waste food if he lost his temper.

Now Akashi was ticked off.

"Fool, answer me." Again, no response. Now, Midorima and Murasakibara had come over while Aomine was waiting for his food. Midorima put a hand on Akashi's shoulder. "I got this" was what the gesture said. Midorima walked up to the man and tapped his head.

The man jerked up in surprise, and the hood fell off. It revealed white around-the-head headphones on his head. The man had pale blue hair, and almond eyes that slanted upwards. They were beautiful. They were azure blue, a lighter shade than Aomine's. But they were... different. Aomine's flat dark cerulean disks. This man's eyes looked like you were staring at a fragment of the ocean. Clear and never-ending.

The man quickly pressed a button on the side of his headphones. He pulled his headphones down to hang around his neck.

"Ah, gomen, were you speaking to me?" the man asked politely, "My headphones are noise-cancelling so I can't hear you." Akashi's throat felt constricted. Why did this man feel so familiar, yet so foreign? What about him made Akashi instantly at ease, yet somehow... not?

"A-ah, hai, I was." Akashi managed to say after realizing that there was awkward silence, "May I trouble you for you're name?" The man tilted his head questioningly at Akashi and opened his mouth to answer.

"KUROKOCCHI!" A loud and obnoxious voice wailed, "I missed you-ssu!" Kise. Akashi whipped around in surprise... but he was too late. Kise flew past Akashi, Murasakibara, and Midorima at breakneck speed and attacked the man with a full-on bone-crushing bear-hug. Kuroko's eyes were wide before he collected himself and greeted Kise with nearly the same amount enthusiasm.

Akashi struggled to comprehend, causing him to simply blink at the bluenette. _'Tetsuya?'_ This man... was Kuroko? Midorima had the same reaction. His eyes wide and mouth agape.

"Kuro-chin?" Murasakibara muttered. Previously, he had been just standing off to the side. Now he was leaning forward to study Kuroko. Kuroko flashed him a wide grin.

"Akashicchi! Midorimacchi! Murasakibaracchi!" Kise cried out, still clinging to Kuroko, "You came!" Akashi nodded dumbly.

"Ah, well, before we get on the wrong foot..." Kise trailed off awkwardly, suddenly sheepish and serious, "Kurokocchi, please explain your condition right now." Condition? Akashi grew apprehensive, and he felt his stomach drop. Was there something wrong with Kuroko? No, that was a stupid question. There was obviously something wrong with Kuroko. So the more adequate question would be, " _What_ was wrong with Kuroko?"

"Ah, right." Kuroko nodded, still smiling, "When I was 15, I got in a plane crash when I was flying to America from Japan. This accident led me to have permanent amnesia. I've been living in America ever since. Sorry." Amnesia? Kuroko didn't remember them?

"You don't remember us." Midorima concluded grimly. Kise wailed at how everyone was ignoring him. Aomine, having finally gotten all his food (the glutton), came over. He had heard the loud and obnoxious sounds coming from the man-child and had decided to shut it up for the staff.

"Yo, Kise! Shut up, will ya? You're bothering the others." Aomine nodded at the blonde. Then he realized what Kise was doing and he frowned, "Kise, you know you're manhandling that dude, right?" Kise wailed even louder.

"Aominecchi, I'm not a baka like you-ssu!" He cried, "And this is Kurokocchi-ssu!" Aomine's eyebrow twitched. Akashi sighed. Somehow, the aho had missed the fact that Kise had clearly said, **"This is Kuroko."** Honestly, sometimes his ex-teammates were so stupid. Aomine dragged Kise off of Kuroko and started yelling at Kise.

"... Are they together?" Kuroko finally asked. Akashi couldn't answer. This was just... overwhelming. Kuroko was back. After so many years, and totally different. Akashi had mourned Kuroko like he had died. In fact, to his friends, he might as well have. 2 years of nothing, no way to know what happened to Kuroko, or why he left, and now, he's back, like this. Wearing jeans and a T-shirt, headphones over his shoulders, _much_ taller than Akashi, and with a mop for hair.

"No, Aomine does not swing that way." Midorima sighed, "Even though he was the best and handling Kise's energy level." Kuroko blinked at the blonde fake-wilting beneath Aomine's harsh tone.

"I see." Kuroko finally said. Akashi questioned the truth in that statement, but honestly, when you see this scene as an outsider, what can you do to understand? After all, there's a fine line between love and hate.

"Mine-chin was really good at handling Kise-chin when you went away." Murasakibara agreed. Akashi noticed Kuroko's lips pursing slightly.

"I apologize for making you worry." Kuroko gave them a lopsided smile that cooled the hairs on the back of his neck that he hadn't realized ha been bristling, instantly relax slightly, "But I have come back here with intentions to make up for my absence." Akashi studied Kuroko again. Perhaps Kuroko hadn't changed as much as Akashi had thought. Appearances and expressions aside, Kuroko was still the mild-mannered, deadpan, monotone quirky teen that Akashi knew.

"Hey, aren't you that man from a few days back?" Akashi jumped in surprise. Had Aomine seen Kuroko before? What had happened? Well, if Aomine's question was anything to go by, Kuroko had not given out his name.

Kuroko blinked, looking surprised. Akashi waited for his response.

"I believe so, yes." Kuroko said calmly, "Why do you ask?" Aomine have him a look, like, 'don't play dumb.' Kuroko just blinked at him blankly. Even though Kuroko's presence, however weak it was, offered protection and a sort of quiet calm that Akashi hadn't felt in a while, Akashi would be lying if he didn't say he felt nervous and on edge. 

He hadn't noticed it before, but he had been feeling like this since he first saw Kuroko's eyes, the feeling steadily growing as he spent more time with Kuroko. Why? He wasn't sure.

Just... something was off with Kuroko. Something about him set Akashi off. There was a constant feeling of a small knife, sliding underneath his skin and skinning him. Was... Kuroko lying to Akashi? Akashi wasn't sure. Was this even Kuroko? Why was Akashi off-put by Kuroko?

Akashi was familiar with this uneasy feeling. He got it whenever a fellow Rakuzan student made a mistake and tried to lie their way out of it. It was a subconscious sixth sense trying to warn Akashi. But Kuroko has no reason to lie to Akashi. But Akashi knew his instincts never lied.

"Akashi!"

Midorima's voice cut through Akashi's voice like a hot knife to butter.

"Are you okay?" Midorima studied Akashi carefully. Akashi realized that he had been spacing out, and the others had continued the conversation without him.

"Ah, warri, yes." Akashi reassured them, seeing as they weren't convinced, he quickly thought up another excuse, "Just thinking about how to deal with some disrespectful first-years." Everyone shuddered, but they let it go. No one wanted to aggravate Akashi with just the thought of those poor nonexistent first-years.

Akashi noticed Kuroko looking at him more piercingly than the others. Akashi's unnerving feeling intensified. Kuroko didn't break his stare until Akashi returned it for a minute. Akashi didn't realize he had been holding his breath until he started breathing again.

It puzzled Akashi to no end. Why was he feeling like this?


	7. I'm Sorry For The Pain I've Caused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroko wonders if he really should be friends with the GoM, and then goes leaves to meet his senpai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Kuroko's point of view during the last half of the previous chapter, and a little beyond the ending.

**Kuroko P.O.V.**

"Are they together?" I asked the redhead. He seemed a little shocked, and unable to answer. He just studied me closely, reminding me of a cat whose prey had fallen into their paws, but then instead of a mouse as the cat was expecting, it turns out to be a tiny vole.

"No, Aomine does not swing that way." The green Skittle sighed, answering for the redhead when it was obvious he was not going to say anything, "Even though he was the best and handling Kise's energy level." I watched Kise obviously-fake-wilt under Aomine's harsh voice. _How were they not together when they're quarreling like boyfriend-and-boyfriend right now?_

"I see." Was all I said. I didn't really understand, but it was the polite thing to do. Besides, this was just one of those things where you'd have to know them for a while to understand. One of their little quirks. Did I have any?

"Mine-chin was really good at handling Kise-chin when you went away." The purple one said seriously. My stomach clenched. Did I have that big of an impact when I went away? Did my friends really miss me that much? Did I cause them that much pain?

That was the moment when I realized what I should say.

"I apologize for making you worry." I gave them a smile that I hoped was reassuring, "But I have come back here with intentions to make up for my absence." The green Skittle smiled slightly, and the purple Skittle just nodded. The redhead looked at me intently, neither negative nor positive emotions displayed on his face. I wonder what he's thinking.

Was he judging me for not coming back before? Or was he happy that I had simply come back eventually? Maybe he was drinking me in. Before I could properly decide, a small smile flirted over his mouth for a second before quickly vanishing.

"Hey, aren't you that man from a few days back?" My heart jumped in surprise when Aomine's voice was suddenly right next to my ear. I nearly socked him in the face! I kept my reaction under wraps, a tiny blink of shock notwithstanding.

"I believe so, yes." I replied as calmly as I could manage, "Why do you ask?" Aomine have me a look, like, 'don't play dumb.' I gave him a blank face to piss him off. Think of it as a little bit of revenge for somehow taking me by surprise.

"That was really impressive, by the way." Aomine gave me a couple begrudging nods. I returned it curtly. "What's your name?" I fought down a smile. I had a few friends back in America who were extremely blunt and straightforward like Aomine.

"My name is Kuroko Tetsuya." I half-bowed in my seat as best I could politely, "Nice to meet you." I pushed down a laugh with all my willpower (though I couldn't keep my lips from twisting into a smirk) at Aomine's bewildered expression. For several minutes, nothing happened.

Then pulled himself together. He glared at me full force. I hadn't met someone who is brave enough to glare at me like that in a while.

"No, seriously. Who are you?" Aomine asked. I sighed. The others were so much more believing. This would be annoying (not really, annoyance is the minority, though I'd rather not think about how discouraging this is. Ignorance is bliss.). I'll have to explain everything to him.

"I am Kuroko Tetsuya. When I was 15, I got in an airplane crash when I was flying from Japan to America. This resulted in me getting complete amnesia." I explained. Aomine's expressions kept shifting and diving. All his emotions splayed over his face like black ink on a new book.

I saw doubt with the smallest hint of realization first. Aomine couldn't believe what I'd just said, though he trusted his friends and deep down, he believed them. But that was deep, deep down. Then he looked at Kise's face. The minuscule realization exploded like recorded water splattered on water-paint on high speed.

Now there was shock and hope. I didn't really understand why there was hope there, but I was glad that he believed me. Can you imagine how troublesome it would have been to convince him somehow? Not mention... I really wanted to have him believe me. That meant that my Before friends might accept me. I think. Maybe?

"Te-Tetsu..." he breathed. I might not have caught it, if I wasn't listening hard. Kise and Midorima (not really) discreetly slid away. I was grateful they gave us privacy to talk. About what shit I'd been doing.

"Yes?"

"I... I just... I thought you were dead..." he breathed. I motioned for him to sit across from me. He plopped down, still in a daze. I lower my gaze. A pang of guilt vibrates inside of me like a shriek in a hollow cave.

"I'm sorry."

That snaps him out of it. He looks a little surprised, though still lost. He smiled at me. A bittersweet smile. Like he's coming to terms with the loss of a loved one. The pure loss in his smile makes me squirm.

"Don't be. I... no, I shouldn't have given up on you." He gave a humorless laugh, "You're Tetsu. The amazing Phantom Sixth Man of the Generation of Miracles. There's nothing you can't do." I blinked. Was I really that amazing? If that's the case, then how am I going to live up to that? I don't want to disappoint anyone. But how can I not?

This is like being asked to climb a sheer cliff with no gear and never having rock-climbed before. I have never felt more inundated in my life.

"I guess it's not fair." Aomine hung his head so his face was shadowed, "Amnesia, right? You're practically a different person. It's not fair for me to expect something like that from you. Sorry." My stomach sinks slightly at his disheartening words. In another case, I might protest, I'm totally up for the challenge! Don't underestimate me!

But here, he's completely right. I'm practically a different person. Kuroko Tetsuya died. And I was born in the ashes. How can I possibly disagree with something so obviously right?

The redhead's spacing out. His eyes are glazed and his posture is relaxed. Is he okay? What's he thinking about? Uh oh- didn't Ash tell him about something like this? What was the term that Ash learned from a friend who was studying to be a doctor? Dissociating? 

"Akashi-kun?" No response.

"Akashi-kun, are you okay?" I ask again. Midorima seemed to realize Akashi was not responding.

"Akashi! Akashi! Akashi! Are you okay?!" He cried, leaning closer to the redhead with each cry. Akashi jumped and looked at Midorima in surprise. It took a few moments for Akashi to respond. 

"Ah, Warri, yes." He gave a reassuring smile. No one was convinced, so he quickly added, "Just thinking about how to deal with some disrespectful first-years." For some reason, I shivered. Disturbing images passed through my mind, like a bunch of young high schoolers hung upside down and gutted like ducks... that's all I'll share for now. There was more but... for the rating's sake, I'll keep it as that.

Midorima and Kise relaxed and let it go, Aomine too. But I my gut told me Akashi was lying. I wasn't sure how I knew, maybe it was the years I spent with these people that made me know them so well. I didn't let my gaze drop from the redhead, as if I pressured him with my gaze enough, he would speak the truth.

As if he could sense the intensity of my stare, he stared back. Feeling like a butterfly pinned underneath a magnifying glass, I let my gaze wander back to Aomine and just watched Aomine scarf down his teriyaki burgers. But my mind was with Akashi. Why did he lie about what he was thinking about?


	8. To Ash, The Greatest Friend Alive (And Social Support)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash is introduced, and Kuroko reveals some of the reasons for his hesitance to go back to Japan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place in America. This is how "Ash" convinced Kuroko to go visit Japan again. Oh, and this is all in English, because library computers don't have the ability to type in a different language. I don't know about your libraries, though. Is that just for mine?

**Ash:** yo

 **Ash:** blu

 **Ash:** u on

**BluPhoenix:** Hello.

**Ash:** you hear whst hapened ta el paso

**BluPhoenix:** I don't need someone on the other side of the world to tell me what happened in my _own_ country.

**Ash:** yea, yea

 **Ash:** i was justw orried

**BluPhoenix:** I can look after myself.

**Ash:** that deosn't mean mt heart doesn't stip every times ome shit liek that happens inth e US

 **Ash:** seriously

 **Ash:** what if ti had been you

**BluPhoenix:** You know I would have been fine. No one knows who I am. They would have treated me and I would say I'm a foreigner. In Japanese. That should get my message across.

**Ash:** does america have a syst em fro that

**BluPhoenix:** Fuck knows.

**Ash:** thats what i mean

**BluPhoenix:** Ash, calm down. You sound like my grandmother when she told me to join Instagram. I don't need two mothers.

**Ash:** good

 **Ash:** best damn thingold lad evre mad ya do

**BluPhoenix:** Because I met you, "the best damn man on earth that has ever has and will exist"?

**Ash:** is that even a quiestkion

**BluPhoenix:** Yes. And at least attempt to type properly, you're giving me an aneurysm.

**Ash:** so mean

 **Ash:** **also wtf is that**

**BluPhoenix:** Ash, just because I've known you for a several months now doesn't make you the best man I've ever met. 

**BluPhoenix:** (It's that weird tick mark that anime characters get when they're super pissed or annoyed.)

**BluePhoenix:**

**BluPhoenix:**

**Ash:** then who is the best man youve ever met

**BluPhoenix:** ...

**Ash:** AHA SEE

**BluPhoenix:** Will you calm down. I can practically hear your obnoxious laughter from over here.

**Ash:** i've just reread our entire convesration and realixed that you change the subject without my notice wtf blu

**BluPhoenix:** Just now? Don't you have amazing eyesight? Or was that just your ego talking.

**Ash:** shaddup

 **Ash:** ihave awsome eyesight

 **Ash:** srsly tho Blu

 **Ash:** what if younever got to meet your mazing past self bc youd be dead

**BluPhoenix:** I assure you, nothing would have been lost on my behalf.

 **BluPhoenix** : Because I'd be dead.

**Ash:** Blu

**BluPhoenix:** What?

**Ash:** and i't never get to ymeet your beatufiufl face ever

**BluPhoenix:** We can meet right now. Video chat.

**Ash:** bhellno

 **Ash:** internationsl calls cost an arm and a leg

**BluPhoenix:** I know for a fact that most places in America won't sell their network for an arm and a leg. You should sic the police on your companies. Maybe switch?

**Ash:** thatsn ot what i meant blu and u know that

**BluPhoenix:** Is that so?

**Ash:** ye

**BluPhoenix:** I beg to differ.

**Ash:** then beg

 **Ash:** anyways

 **Ash:** youshould com back to japan

**BluPhoenix:** Where did this come from? And no. I'm perfectly fine here, thank you very much. Talking to you with library computers, snatching food every day or so, this is my life. I don't need to move across the world to do the exact same thing.

**Ash:** so dont'

 **Ash:** come bakc and meet ur family and firneds

**BluPhoenix:** I don't _need_ to. I'm fine right where I am. I _don't_ need to talk to a bunch of random Japanese people I've never met.

**Ash:** TECHICALLY you have met them before

**BluPhoenix:** _Psychologically_ , I have never even seen them before. I see no reason to now.

**Ash:** come on blu

 **Ash:** would u b ok with not comting to tterms with ur odl lief

**BluPhoenix:** I am perfectly happy accepting the Before is done and gone. There's nothing that can be changed or done about it. The only thing that matters is the After.

**Ash:** leis bt ok then mood

 **Ash:** would be you ok with ur feiens and fmaily thinking ur desd

**BluPhoenix:** XXXXXX XXXXXXX practically did die. He died on the plane crash, and I was born. And you used the wrong "your". It should be "u r" or better yet, "you're" or "you are".

**Ash:** fuck foff smart ass

 **Ash:** if you hda died in el paso i wouldnt' ahve been able to halp u

 **Ash:** bc i know pretty jmch nothgin abt ur body

 **Ash:** and i have to refesu any info abt u except in erpson when u meet my fmaily

**BluPhoenix:** Why is that?

**Ash:** is thing in my family

 **Ash:** they have to deem yo uwrothy to be my fireind or smth

 **Ash:** Now back to the topic at hamd

**BluPhoenix:** I don't know...

 **BluPhoenix:** On one hand, I can't wait to see what I was like back in Japan. But on the other... who knows who I was? I'm already so invisible. What if that was because I made that choice? If I did, _why_?

**Ash:** the nthis coudl be yoru big chance to find out

 **Ash:** this coudl be a big clue to fiending and makidng ur own identity

 **Ash:** my best firned lost wone of his best frnds

 **Ash:** he blambed himself tfro their death

 **Ash:** he believe that he was the cause and that they died even though there was not proof

 **Ash:** i cond't halp bc i didn't know their friend veyr well beyodn a few basic things

 **Ash:** akl i could do was wtach as he drwoned in guilt and morning

 **Ash:** you can;t do that to yorue frineds

 **Ash:** its not fair to them to let tehm keep drwongin bc ur too scared toace them

**BluPhoenix:** But you're my friend. My Before friends are no longer my friends. Wouldn't it be better to leave that perfect image of me in their head than taint their minds with my current image?

**Ash:** maybe

 **Ash:** but maybe theyll fall in lvoe with this versuion of u

 **Ash:** jsut tlike me

 **Ash:** jsut try

 **Ash:** odn't lieve them with nothign

 **Ash:** give them soem closure

**BluPhoenix:** I can't afford an airfare. And no, I'm not plane-riding all the way to Japan.

**Ash:** u can svae up

**BluPhoenix:** But still. I'm reaching out to a bunch of people I don't know. I'm doing them a favor for a dead person.

**Ash:** thing of it as giving condolencse to their lose

 **Ash:** or that ur finally going to met me

**BluPhoenix:** Face to face?

**Ash:** ye

 **Ash:** comeo n blu

 **Ash:** givethem a chance

 **Ash:** yr dissing peopel youv'e never met

**BluPhoenix:** That's the problem! They'll think they know me! They set up expectations about me that I'll never meet. I'm not XXXXXX XXXXXXX! I'm just Blu. And I sure as hell don't know them.

**Ash:** stjt explain yorself

 **Ash:** they'ls unnderstand

 **Ash:** otherwise y woudl u be firneds wuit the,

**BluPhoenix:** Good point.

 **BluPhoenix:** But is it wrong to be nervous?

**Ash:** abslty not

 **Ash:** im terrifeind too

 **Ash:** what if u end up being a serioal killer

 **Ash:** or end up floping

**BluPhoenix:** Thank you for your support and utter faith.

**Ash:** ur welcmg

 **Ash:** i do believe in u

 **Ash:** but this si such a daunting task ya kno

**BluPhoenix:** Yes, I do. But... you're right. It's not fair for me to leave them like that.

**Ash:** thats the sprirt

**BluPhoenix:** Don't you have school or some shit tomorrow?

**Ash:** ye

 **Ash:** but fufk the at

**BluPhoenix:** When I reach Japan, I'll text you. Let you know where I am.

**Ash:** ye

 **Ash:** sea ya then

**BluPhoenix:** Til death do us part.

**Ash:** u stil hooked on that

 **Ash:** til death do us aprt ;p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if you couldn't read Ash's texts, I tried to make it as realistic as possible, adding typos and missing letters that were uppercase. Also, there are hints as to who Ash is.


	9. Am I Worthy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kagami comes and makes an appearance and Kuroko is being a(n kinda) antisocial child.

**Kuroko POV**

"So... you're Kuroko." Kagami Taiga was sitting in front of me at Maji. It was awkward. Kagami kept checking me out. I don't know if it's because of my looks, or if he couldn't believe I was here. Both are both very reasonable, understandable answers (read: I have experienced both).

"Mm." Yes, how helpful. I quickly add a nod for emphasis. Don't think I've forgotten to text Ash. I'm just biding my time. Things have been hectic. I haven't found a secure place to bunker down. And I certainly don't feel comfortable enough to ask someone where I can hang out at. Though Ash says that the stereotypical Japanese person is extremely (overkill) polite. Is that true? Fuck knows.

"So... America then. You've stayed there for... 2 years?" _Is that not fucking obvious?!_

"Yes, I believe so." Should I try to pick up this failing conversation? No, I'll let him make the first move. If he wants to talk or not, I won't force him.

Kagami cleared his throat awkwardly. Kise and Aomine were arguing loudly about a set of algebra problems on a piece of paper between them. Midorima was yelling at them for being so dumb and explaining it to them. Akashi and Murasakibara just looked on with amusement shining in their eyes.

"No, it's '1/5(-5a+20b-7c)-1/2(2b+7c-6a)'" Kise snapped, fiercely glaring at Aomine, "So it can't be '2a+2c'!" I do some quick mental calculations.

"Of course not!" Aomine fired back, "But it can't be '-7c+3b+2a'! If you solve it backward, it doesn't work!" I stifle my laughter. Are they kidding? This was so simple. I've completed dozens of problems like this _in a library. With nothing but a textbook for post-grad students as my teacher._ Weren't they graduating this year? Why were they so dumb? My laughter threatened to bubble out. I glared at the paper and bit my lip in my effort to keep silent.

"Ahomine, do you even pay attention during school?" Midorima huffed exasperated. Aomine whipped around to face Midorima. More like glare at him.

"Even Ku-Kuroko knows." Akashi stumbled a bit on my name, but he caught himself. Was talking about me that painful? My laughter nearly came out, but I quickly shoved it down. It was like pushing down slime. You had to evenly push down all of it. Otherwise, it would come up somewhere else unexpectedly.

Kise and Aomine turned to me in surprise. I felt the force everyone's gaze prickle my skin. I felt hot from their piercing looks, and combined with my laughter, my insides were too warm. The absurdity that me, a Street Mutt, felt uncomfortable under a handful of stares, made the laughter worse. I must have been failing in hiding my amusement because Kise looked wounded, and Aomine furious.

"What (the hell) are you laughing at?!" They howled simultaneously. My laughter came spilling out like fudge in a freshly made and cut lava cake. It flowed over, rolling out and all around, smoothly floating through the room, like the gentle tinkling of bells.

"I-I'm s-sorry!" I managed after my laughter subsided (somewhat), "But... the answer is clearly '2a+3b-14c'!" Kise and Aomine flinched in disbelief. Kagami spluttered in shock, and Midorima's and Akashi's eyebrows were raised oh so slightly, and Murasakibara momentarily paused in devouring his food (key term: momentarily). Kagami moved so he was looking over my shoulder towards Kise and Aomine.

"Bu-but! You can't even see the paper from where you're sitting!" Kagami cried, "Did you seriously solve it from hearing Kise once?!" I blink. Does Kagami know how loud he is? He's making my ears ring.

"Yea. What's so hard about that?" I ask, "This is 7th-grade math. Aren't you guys in around 12th-grade material?" Seriously. This should come quickly to them. It's pretty simple. You distribute, then add like-terms. Do they realize that now?

Aomine turned back to the paper. His head was tilted, and the annoyance had long left his face, leaving no trace of itself. He scribbled out his work. Realization sparked in his eyes. It slowly but surely blew into a ferocious flame of learning and understanding.

"Huh."

"How did you not get that the first time?!" Midorima hissed. My laughter slowly died out, though an amused smile never left my face. Aomine then proceeded to explain it to Kise, while I pointed out Aomine's mistakes. We completed the rest of the worksheet like that.

* * *

"Thank Kami-sama you're back," Kagami commented flippantly. I jerked back in surprise, but quickly caught myself. The result was a tiny flinch. The problem was, I wasn't the same. Kuroko Tetsuya wasn't _really_ back. But Kagami and the others seem so happy that I'm back. I don't think they realize it, but they sneak me glances. Like if they take their eyes off me for too long, I might disappear.

They smile at me, and I force myself to smile back, even if only a little. They talk about plans and after school activities they can do together. They catch up on what's happened to themselves recently, sharing anecdotes of their teammates ("-and then Wakamatsu chugged the whole vinegar-sriracha-sauce mixture!!" "BWHAHAHAHA!") and recall tales from Teiko Middle School ("-and then you Ignite Pass-ed Aomine's gut." "Hm. I was rather a secretively violent child." "No wa-" "Shut up, Bakagami. Tetsu totally is and you can't say shit against it. Tetsu, you were never above jamming your goddamn hand into our sides, hurt like hell."). 

Do I even deserve to be here? Why _am_ I here? This group of friends, they're so comfortable with each other, but their concepts are completely foreign to me. Inside jokes are lost on me, and I can't understand how they click together so well. And how do I fit in? They don't _exclude_ me. They make sure to explain anything that I don't understand. But even then, most of the things they talk about, you'd have to be there to fully understand. 

I'm sure Kuroko Tetsuya would understand. He would join in and laugh with them. He would talk at ease, and not just observe, trying to grasp the fundamentals of the beautiful mess of friendship that was the GoM. He would be able to seamlessly slip into their conversation and add smart-ass and witty comments without caution.

He would talk and talk and talk to them (or at least get a few words in{damn they talk a lot}). But how can I? How the hell am I supposed to easily talk to them when I didn't know what this, "Winter Cup" was-is, a few seconds ago? Akashi keeps giving me the most piercing and lingering stares.

Like his eyes are trying to pierce right through me. Like they can. Like they can see all the terrible things I've done. His vermilion eyes glint with indefinite depths and layers of intelligence and cunning intuition. They knew, they knew, they knew. Those eyes could see _they could see what I did to that poor old man who didn't deserve it-_

"Yo, Kuroko," Kagami nudged me, shocking me out of my stupor, "You still need to meet Seirin. Ya know, your senpai and the rest of the team." Oh god. More people? That means more socializing... ah, and here I thought I could get away with just nodding and observing them. No way would Seirin let me just watch them. If they were truly like what the Generation of Miracles was telling me, then casually observing their interactions with each other would not fly.

"Mm," that sounded dispassionate, even to my ears, so I quickly added, "Of course I do." Okay, that sounded worse. Like I _don't_ want to meet my senpai. Or past-senpai. I do! Just, not right now. My mind is still struggling to try to sort out the GoM's little kinks and special behaviors, I don't need to have to keep up with another group.

Aomine yawned, "A'ight. I need to head back soon, Satsuki will have my ass for dinner if I don't get back before 2. Which is ridiculous. What self-respecting person comes back at 2?" That's a pity. I like Aomine. He's amusing, with a dry humor, and good-natured. Plus, he's lax. A nice break from the uptight and discipline of the others. Aomine reminds me of the kids you could find hanging around the backstreets and shady corners of LA. They cared, but they were kinda lazy and seemingly didn't have a care in the world. Aomine stood up and started to pack up.

"A person who has a lot of things to do, and little time to do it," I said. Aomine rolled his eyes, and muttered things about how "Tetsu and Satsuki will be the death of me" and shit like that. 

"Bye, Aominecchi! We'll miss you-ssu!" Aomine rolled his eyes, though his eyes were affectionate.

"We'll be seeing each other in a few days, idiot."

"Sayonara, Aomine." Akashi gave a cool nod.

"Make sure to do your homework, Ahomine-nanodayo."

"See ya, Akashi." Aomine returned Akashi's nod with a jerk of the head. Aomine snorted, though his voice lacked bite, "You too, Tsundere." 

"Oi!"

"Mido-chin, it's very true." Murasakibara nodded sagely, "But you shouldn't hold that against him, Mine-chin." Midorima glared at Murasakibara. He seemed to be holding back his tongue. Aomine snickered.

"Midorimacchi, shouldn't you and Kagamicchi start heading back soon?" Kise leaned forward, subtly offering a way for Midorima to salvage his ravaged pride. Midorima nodded curtly. I smiled. They seemed so at ease with one another, so used to each other's antics. At this thought, my limbs went a little numb with fear and uncertainty. Why was I here? I'm so... misbehaved, to put it lightly. They were pure, innocent angels, so free from the crimes I committed. What right did I have to taint them? Why do I deserve to have them as my friends? They don't know that I've-

"Yea, we'd better head back." Kagami stood as well. I pushed all my doubts away, though they still clung to me like cotton on thorns. Whatever I deserved, or didn't deserve, I would have to wait to tangle out later. Preferably with Ash. Right now, all I knew was that these boys, these _kids_ , they deserved to be happy, and I should try my hardest to do just that. 

"Will I be coming with you?" I ask. I kind of hope I do. I would like to meet my senpai. But I also wouldn't. I know that Ash would want me to meet new people, but do you like socializing? I don't. I find it stressful and nerve-racking. 

Ash says that that doesn't make an introvert, but I think he's wrong. I did some research, and I'm pretty certain I am an introvert. I don't need social stimulation, but rather, I feel better when I'm silently reading a book on a roof at midnight. I don't always like sitting alone, though. I am human. That _does_ make me an introvert. But I can never be 100% certain. That's impossible (which is a shame because sometimes I would like to have 10/10 certainty on my side). 

"Totally!" Kagami cried, his eyebrows raised in surprise, "They'll want to see you again. It would be cruel to make them wait." Right, I have to go because _I don't want to be mean_. I keep my face impassive. They should get the chance to meet me. I can imagine Ash chiding me, using the imaginary voice I gave him.

_**"It's only fair, Blu. If you met up with the GoM, you should say hello to your senpai as well."** _

"Of course." I'm saying that to Ash and Kagami. It's only fair. 

Even if I don't deserve them as friends, this is my chance to make me deserve. Make myself worthy. 

"My senpai deserve to see that I'm alive."


	10. A New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroko may or may not be developing a crush over our two resident redheads but gains a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, for all the readers out there who don't use the American measurement system, I'm sorry. Go look at the Wiki for Kuroko No Basket if you want his weight and height in your measurements, and/or find a translating calculator. On another note, this is honestly a filler chapter, and has some hints for the ending of the plot that I don't even know if I want.

**Kuroko POV**

Kagami took the train, and I silently followed him out, what was there to say? The people on the train were lax and trusting. Kids sat alone, adults- well, not exactly _mingled_ , but there were some quiet conversations between strangers, and no one kept their heads down or threw suspicious and/or wary glances at anyone else. In general, there was a soothing aura, one that you would find at a family gathering at a relative's house.

I'm ashamed to say that all I could think about was how easy it would be to quickly slip my hand into their pocket and snatch out a couple hundred yen. Though, I did refrain from stealing. I've been trying not to steal, ever since my grandparents passed away, but it's hard to restrain myself. Who cares if someone's missing 5 bucks? But it's _wrong._ I know a lot of people wouldn't share my sentiments and idealities, but those people _earned_ what they have, when I have not, so it's cheating. It grates on my nerves when people cheat. Plus, it makes the local PD's have an even bigger reason to look out for me. I _do not_ need that.

We quickly arrived at the train station closest to Seirin. Other than Kagami turning back to look over his shoulder every once and a while to check that I was there and the occasional, "oops", "sorry", and/or, "excuse me", we didn't interact with each other. Kagami seemed unsure of how to interact with me. He reminds a bit of Aomine, but he seemed a bit less brash, and a tad less confident with me. Like he used to know me, but now he's not so sure he does, and so now he has to be careful, to make a good impression on me. Which is dumb. So far, the GoM

* * *

We quickly passed through the front gates of Seirin. Tiny pink cherry petals floated down around me. A small twinge of sadness in my chest made my fingers twitch and my veins felt tingly. Why did I feel so... doomed? Like the world was ending, and I was going to die, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Am I being superstitious? Well, I guess superstitious is the wrong word. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake the feeling. It was like I was being haunted by a ghost, or some shit. A damn persistent one at that.

Kagami (pretty much silently) led me through the school, all the way to the back. I'm guessing they were on some sort of break, or something, as there were only a handful of students who I saw. Even fewer people ( **read:** no one) waved or even gave a curt nod of greeting. They just ignored us. Kagami was not the most socially adept person. Not to say that I'm any different. This happened a lot in the US, so I'm pretty used to it by now. To be honest, it was a relief, because I'd felt so pinned beneath so many stares because of my name, my accent, and my hair color in the States. But Kagami didn't seem to be nervous at all, or at least, he was good at hiding it. He shifted and rustled self-consciously, but glared at everyone who dared to even glance at them.

Several times, I was tempted to scold Kagami for being so rude to his peers (even if I didn't know him that well, it just felt like something I should do) or apologize to the people he glared at for his impertinent behavior. But I'd probably do more harm than good, being that if I did the former, it would be pretty awkward, I don't even really know Kagami for heaven's sake! But if I did the latter, I would scare the shit out of the people I would try to talk to. And maybe Kagami, too. 

When we reached the back of the school (why we didn't just hop the fence around the back instead of going around the school then back in a giant hook motion, I don't know), Kagami brought me to the front of a large, run-downed building. It was rectangular, and with a slightly curved roof. This... it looks like a Japanese take on a US basketball gym. But... I used to be so weak and small... how the hell did I play basketball? I know Kise told me I played basketball, but back then, nothing registered because I was in such a shock that I had met someone I knew from Before.

I'm about 5 1/2 ft, and about 130 lbs. Do you know how _sad_ that is? That may be within the boundaries of what's considered healthy, but for a basketball player, that's so fucking tiny! So, I'm not sure how that works out. Akashi is shorter than me, though not by much, so how does that work out? No way in hell could I have been able to score in any way, and in no way can I be considered fast and/or agile, so what the hell did I do?

I might have used my Invisibility. That thing that Kise called "lack of presence". It's a _pretty_ good way to think about it. In street fighting, I used Invisibility to trick my opponents, make it harder to land a blow on me, or make it easier to make a quick jab at a pressure point, though there have been a few lucky people whom this did not work on. _So_ annoying. 

In streetfighting, the "professional" kind, where you can get paid, you're usually surrounded by a ring of people, often in some sort of abandoned building or lonely alley in a shady neighborhood, and they place bets on you. And the administrators will give you food or money, based on how you entertain them and "bring home the bacon" and just what they have in general. But food and money are practically the same thing, so it's not a big deal.

Paired with Invisibility, and the fact that I can usually outmatch my opponents, if not, then I outsmart them, I can usually make a buck or two off of street fighting. Earn myself a name, and some respect. Even an ally or two, though I can't imagine a friend from the streetfighting district. But outside of street fighting, Invisibility is more of a liability than an advantage. 

I've been nearly crushed by crowds, which is _so_ irritating, especially when I'm trying to get through a crowded and popular area, but at the same time, it makes running from the cops convenient. I don't even really have to try, I can just use minimal movement. Come to think of it, I don't even have to stop moving. When they're busting streetfighting tournaments, I just casually walk away.

TL;DR, it has pros and cons. 

But how would that be used in basketball? It sounded like I used to like basketball a lot. I always found sports an excellent way to relieve stress, because _yes,_ when you don't know where or when your next meal will be, you get _stressed_ and _worried._ I don't understand how or why people don't understand that. It's really simple, in all honesty. 

Basketball was very therapeutic. I can just melt into this moment, and... there's just this sort of freedom where I forget everything, and there's nothing beyond the aching in my muscles, the sweat on my face, the smacking of the basketball against skin and pavement, the musky smell of an old, worn down basketball, and my opponent. 

There's something in the simplicity of the game, of the logic and straightforward rules that are placed down, they can't be misinterpreted, or twisted in strange and confusing ways. Thoughts of guilt, obedience, lawfulness, hunger, and morality cannot touch me on the court. I float above it. Though that didn't mean I was any good, which was kinda _frustrating_ (it did help that Ash also played basketball and it helped that basketball was something they could both bond over) how bad I was.

Ahead of me, Kagami had unlocked the door to the gym-thingy. I quickly pushed away all thoughts about how I could play and _how in the world could I have been any good-_ and tried to focus on what was ahead of me. Kagami quickly led me through a hall with glass trophy display cases that were built into the wall. At a passing glance, what grabbed my attention was my name in kanji on one of the largest trophies. What I noticed next was that I can _read kanji._ I was not aware that I could read kanji or even hiragana. 

This... _astounded me._ I mean, I guess it shouldn't, because you would assume that, with the fact that I do attend a highschool in Japan, I would be able to use their writing system. It did take me a while to learn English and all that jazz-

"Are you okay?" Kagami was suddenly stopped, right in front of me. When did that happen? I was certain we were walking together, a few feet apart just a moment ago! 

"A-ah," I scrabbled for an appropriate response, "Ye-yes, I'm fine. Thank you." Was that good enough? Probably not, but Kagami accepted it with nothing more than a troubled look and a brusque nod. I kept a tighter reign on my thoughts, forcing them back to focus on Kagami's footsteps, or his spikey hair, or even his broad back. To focus on the notable lack of AC and the stuffiness of the air. How old was this building anyways? And how in the everloving fuck was this hallway so long?

"Okay. Uh, cool. Be- because we're here," Kagami faltered in front of the door and pivoted to face me. His eyes contained a burning intensity, pinning me down underneath them. Though Kagami's stare was a different sort of intense, they were just as powerful as Akashi's (and they both send electricity dancing up my spine). Kagami's blood-red eyes bore into me with determination and raw energy, an untamed force to be reckoned with. But Akashi's tourmaline irises held a more cunning, cultivated power. But why am I comparing them? I shouldn't be. Bottom line. Final statement. Closing sentence. _I should not be comparing the two of them_ _(that would end in nothing but horrific tragedy)._

"... Ya know, if you ever need to talk about something- _anything_ , um..." he moistened his lips, completely out of his comfort zone, though he plowed on, "Uh... I- I'm all ears. And... and... the Generation of Miracles, they- uh, wouldn't mind either. If you wanted to talk about... sh- stuff, stuff, that is. Our senpai would be more than willing to help- uh, you..." Kagami trailed off, his point made and social-energy-levels-with-strangers crashing and burning. He averted his eyes. I'm sure _my eyes_ were now aflame with the same potency as Kagami's was before. 

I won't lie. I was touched and amazed and a little pained. Touched, because someone was there for me (no one was before), amazed that someone was willingly reaching out to me first (most people think that I'm extremely antisocial and don't to talk, which, to be fair, is only half wrong), and a little pained because _holy fucking christ was that painful._ It looked like Kagami was physically clawing out that little speech from his throat by his own hands. 

But at the same time, I just... couldn't believe what I was hearing. On the streets, you come to accept pretty quickly that _you are alone._ No arms to turn back and fall into, no shoulders to cry on, no one there to swoop in and get you out of a tight spot, or even someone to share your troubles with. You're on your own. It can eat away at you. Before I had Ash, I had no one to even talk to without having to use threats and drag out as many expletives as possible to get my point across or to be listened to. And while this may not seem like much to most people, extending a hand to a homeless person (even if it's nothing but to talk)- fuck, you might as well be handing them a shelter and $1,000,000,000. 

"I- thank you, Kagami-kun," I say, trying to sound authentic and sincere, "I will take up on your offer, soon. But for now, I think that meeting my senpai is more than enough." Did that sound tacky and whack and just generally dumb? To me it did. To Kagami though? He gave me a small (but content) smile and opened the door. 

I don't know what's waiting for me beyond those doors. Those heavy, pale grey doors. Hell, I don't even know _who's_ beyond those doors. But suddenly, I think I might be able to this, because I have someone by my side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, guys, I might have to eat my own words (from my notes on Wattpad). Kagami and Akashi may have to fight over Kuroko's not-platonic love. I said I didn't want to take relationships beyond platonic- I'm not any good at writing anything other than aggressive persuasive essays, informative essays, polite letters, or angst! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO WRITE OUT THE ACTUALLY "COMFORT" PART OF THIS FIC. But suddenly there are opportunities to make this love triangle(?) a thing and I just instinctively go for it!!! I DON'T KNOW!!! And now I'm rambling. Point in case, look out for more... ah, not-platonic love(?), because apparently on top of (maybe, I'm not an expert, okay?) PTSD and other disorders, I have to add high school love, drama, and heartbreak to add to Kuroko's basket of tears. Also, next chapter, I will be explaining how and why Kagami is still here and why their senpai are at their gym and waiting for the Light and Shadow Duo.


	11. Ohana Means Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroko gets introduced to the Seirin team. Part of them anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! I'm super sorry about the huge hiatus the Blue Phoenix took. I had a huge case of writer's block, and COVID-19 struck my family hard, especially since a large number of my aunts, uncles, and cousins are in the medical field. I don't even want to talk about school, now that that's starting up. I felt really bad for everyone who wanted to finish the Blue Phoenix, but never got past ten chapters (I think?), and I intended to continue writing, but never got around to it. The selling point was when someone commented, "Are you discontinuing?!" That's when I knew I had to get something out there. So even though this chapter is pretty crappy, and I didn't proofread it as thoroughly as I did for my previous chapters, here it is!

I licked my lips apprehensively, still tasting salt from my meal at Maji Burger. It was a good restaurant, comparable to the burger places in America, which is saying something. Despite Kagami-kun's reassurance, a ball of nerves sat in my stomach, and there was an incurable dryness to my throat.

Kagami-kun struggled with the door for a few minutes, some English curses flew from his mouth, but he eventually got it. The suspense was not helping matters. There were probably sweat marks in my jacket, _visible_ sweat marks. God, this was such a bad idea. Why did I let Ash talk me into this? Sentimentality? Fear prickled underneath my skin, setting even my teeth on edge.

"Right, you ready?" Kagami-kun studied me gravely as he gripped the door tightly, "Mentally prepare yourself, I've- we're a family, but we're rowdy... or so we've been told." Well, I might as well get this over with; it's not like it'll be any better if I hold off on this.

I nod and wipe the sweat off my clammy hands and flip on my hood, rubbing my headphones in hopes of calming my palpitating heart. It'll be more efficient if I set small, manageable goals for myself.

One, I should introduce myself. Even if my senpai already know who I am, I should inform the people of my past about my backstory- nothing too heavy, just the basics. They're my senpai, and if Kagami-kun's receptiveness towards them is anything to go by, we must be close.

Two... two is a work in process. It's not like I've lead the conversation with the Generation of Miracles; they were the ones who shared their (our?) anecdotes with me. I was just... sitting there, awkwardly listening to them. Actually, am I really ready for this? I mean- I _just_ got to Japan, and I barely- I slept in a metro station! How in the world am I supposed to deal with _socializing_ with people who already know Kuroko Tetsuya, but not Blue?!

Kagami-kun nods, breaking me out of my thoughts and burning away any hope of running away, and yanks the door open. Sounds flood into the hallway from the people inside.

In the gym (which is small, but extremely clean and well-kept), there were seven people and a dog, six boys, one girl, and what looked to be an Alaskan Malamute. I'd remember because that one time I went to the animal shelter, I'd seriously considered getting one. They were so beautiful and friendly and honest-to-god adorable, and I barely held my composure. But I couldn't, of course, there's no way I'd be able to give that dog a complete meal every day, much less provide for it in every other manner.

"Teppei, you basketball idiot!" a brunette- not quite yelled, but certainly wasn't talking demurely towards the tallest person, a large brown-haired boy, "You can't expect Kuroko to want to play basketball the moment he gets here! You should talk first! Catch up- see what he's been up to!" A dark-haired, glasses-wearing boy nodded from the other side of the- Teppei, his name was Teppei.

"Idiot!" He exclaimed sharply, "Stand up, Koga! Stop rolling around!" There was, in fact, a cat-faced boy- that was Koga, apparently, rolling around on the ground, howling in silent laughter. He was getting pretty red-faced, and I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing. Asphyxiation is a horrible way to go, I've been told.

"Maa, Hyuuga, let the kids kid around while they're still kids!" A plain, black-haired boy smiled and whispered to himself, "That was a nice one!" The Alaskan Malamute yipped in agreement. Both the raven-haired boy's and the Doggo's actions only seemed to make the glasses-wearing boy- Hyuuga, even more aggravated.

"Shut up, Izuki!" He roared. The other boy, Izuki, seemed unaffected by Hyuuga-san's animosity.

"Guys, guys..." a bald boy raised his forearms up and down in a placating gesture, but it was a futile effort, "Maybe we should all take a deep breath and calm down..." The other dark-haired boy waved his arms around without a word. I can only assume that's some form of sign language, because otherwise, I'd just guess he's high or something. It's not a huge shocker for locals in Los Angeles to see a drug-addict loitering the streets in broad daylight.

"Y-yeah!" Koga gasped between his fits of laughter, "Mitobe, t-tell 'em! Bakagami should be coming any minute now!" Mitobe nodded. "Bakagami"... that must be a nickname for Kagami-kun. Being that Kagami-kun's name was plausibly similar, and there should be no one else coming.

Speak of the devil, that was when Kagami-kun decided to announce his presence.

"YO!" Kagami-kun's voice boomed and echoed off the walls, "We're here! Where the hell is everyone else?" The people stopped talking instantly (it was almost remarkable how quickly they cut themselves off) and stared straight at them like a child with their hand caught in the cookie jar. I braced myself for either continued silence or a raving response. Then they exploded with life.

"BAKAGAMI!!!"

"Arf! Arf!"

Nothing could have prepared me for it. How the fuck were 7 people (and an adorably awesome doggo) so loud? They stormed Kagami-kun, and I deftly moved to the side to avoid being trampled.

The girl (I don't know her name? I'd have thought they'd mentioned her by now) wordlessly squealed with delight. They all clamored around Kagami-kun, their excitement makes the air hum with potential energy, and their voices swallowed each other's, talking and talking until their words were incomprehensible. Even Kagami-kun was joining in the symphony.

They were a single unit, a united clan. To an outsider, or someone with less experience, they may sound like a set of discombobulated noises, but I can tell. It's how their voices slot together comfortably, and how they can bump into each other and step on their toes and not have to apologize. Kagami-kun was right; they really were family.

I'd been a while since I'd seen anything like it. People on the streets... they don't take kindly to anyone, even their blood relatives.

It made me mad. That the people on the streets were throwing away their one chance at happiness. When you're on your own, there's no way to get out of that hellhole, unless you were willing to stain your hands and your name. It made me mad that people who had some semblance of hope to raise themselves off their asses refused to when I had to sully myself to bring myself back from the cusp of death by suicide.

"Wait! Where's Kuroko-kun?!" The girl asked, breaking the din, "You said he- was- did he not... show?"

"What- no! He's..." Kagami-kun looked around for me, his and everyone else's confusion growing. Gosh, they were so lost. I should step in, if only out of pity. "I swear, he was right-"

"I'm here," I jumped in, scaring everyone (figuratively) shitless, "I'm right here." If I thought their noise was the most overwhelming thing, then I was dead wrong. Being on the receiving end of their eyes- they had an intensity that sent shivers down my spine, something that's only happened once before in my life (that I know of).

Hazel, green, grey, and brown all scrutinized me; their inspection pinned me down like a butterfly under a microscope. The world held its breath, and suddenly, my throat drys, and I'm choking over myself again. There goes my meticulously made plan.

"Oh my god..."

God, this was... so much worse than I thought it would be. The silence just stretched on and on. I fought to keep my discomfort off my face. This was going to take a while.

"..."

This was a mistake. I never should've agreed with Ash. The silence crushed me and made my stomach perform summersaults like a hormonal teenager. Is it healthy for your stomach to be more acrobatic than you are?

"KUROKO(-KUN)!!!"

Holy cow. I jumped back at the sudden noise. How in the world was a team that silent become so loud? The others screamed and ran towards me, and the girl encased me in the tightest bear hug I've ever felt, and that's saying something. I've lived through overbearing Asian grandparents who haven't seen their grandchild in years. Trust me, this notwithstanding, nothing- and I mean _nothing_ has anything on Asian-grandparent-hugs. The other surrounded me and screeched like banshees.

"A-ah, I can't... breath!" I gripe, my voice was already raspy from the lack of use, "P-please... let... go!"

"Oh! Sorry!" The girl relinquished her hold on me, and everyone took a step back, thank goodness.

"Wow, you haven't changed a bit, have you?" the girl murmurs. It sounded more like she was talking to herself more than anything, so I politely ignored that statement.

Then her face morphed into something more dark and twisted. It wasn't like the normal _"I'm gonna fuck you over"_ face you can find by walking down the wrong alley, but it was still terrifying in its own right. Like a snarling tiger from the other side of the fence. That was the only warning I got.

It happened just a few seconds after her face changed, but it was lightning quick. It was only thanks to my quick reflexes that I even noticed her hand being raised and lowered at an alarming rate, but I couldn't even do anything to help myself.

_WHACK_

Her hand landed right on the crown of my head and elicited a surprised, _"ite!"_ from me. The blow was more surprising than painful, but the fact that she _hit me at all_ was much more pressing. I don't have any experience with abusive homes, but this... seems like it's toeing the line. What happened to the sense of their familial bond I'd felt earlier? Really? I made eye-contact with Kagami-kun and tried to portray my betrayal.

"Kuroko freaking Tetsuya!" The girl cried through gritted teeth, "What in the- what- where were you?! You've been gone for years! Do you know how hard we looked for you?! AND ONLY NOW YOU POP BACK UP!!!"

Oh.

There were tears in her eyes. She was crying.

No, not just the girl. The other boys were blinking rapidly as well. Kagami-kun remained dry-eyed, but his face was twisted in a sorrowful grimace.

They _missed_ me. That... Seirin _loved_ me. They wanted me back, but I was gone. The girl continued to rant and rave, and I let her. Ash told me it's a healthy coping mechanism to get your feelings off your chest. But I tried my best not to listen to it.

"Riko, that's enough," Teppei murmured, "I think he gets it." He smiled at me warmly, "Besides, it couldn't have been easy for Kuroko to stay away from his friends for so long; I'm sure he had a reason." It was slightly insulting that Teppei assumed I was friendless, but Seirin probably knows more about Kuroko Tetsuya than I do. Riko took a deep, shuddering breath, but she nodded in the end.

Well, what was I supposed to do in response?

They all looked at me expectantly, and I probably hesitated a touch too long for it to be socially acceptable, but whatever. It's not like I can go back now.

I nervously make eye-contact with Kagami-kun, though I'm not sure what I was hoping for. We're not friends- at least, not anymore (or maybe not yet?); he doesn't have any obligations to help me out any more than he already has. But regardless, Kagami-kun gives a jerky little nod of encouragement. His ruby-red orbs flickered over towards the rest of Seirin. Reminding me that I had to do something.

I looked over everyone's faces, and in that split-second, I remembered that no one here knew who I was. Seirin didn't know about the Blue Phoenix, they didn't know about Ash, and they certainly didn't know about the untimely end to Kuroko Tetsuya. But they cared- they wanted Kuroko Tetsuya back. Even if that could never happen, the least I could do is offer them some closure. 

"When I was 15, I got in a plane crash..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No joke, there was a Hawaiian restaurant in Portland, Oregon, called Ohana. Best goddamn banana cream pie I've tasted in my entire life. I don't know if the restaurant still has it on the menu, but... I have proof of its empyrean status. I hope the image quality works out when I post this.


	12. The Boy Who Was Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a sudden change in POV!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized, when I was writing a different chapter, that I physically cannot move forward with the plot without adding some sort of context towards our favorite blue boy's past, so here are a few scenes from the past. Please be aware that I have no idea what it is like to be in an altered mental state, and I'm purposely being vague so that I'm not giving any spoilers for future chapters.

Heat pulsed through his body, and he couldn't feel a thing. Thoughts floated by without an anchor, and images flashed by, but he couldn't catch them, like silvery fish darting down a shallow stream under the bright midday sun. They were too fast and shiny to really see, but they made a dazzling show for a short while.

Fiery cognac eyes and an apron floated by, like a stick in the stream. It was whizzing, objectively, but it was easing its way through the water, relative to the rest of the things running through his head. Water; that would be nice. It'd also be nice to feel something beyond the heat.

The boy wasn't even sure if he had a body anymore. He couldn't sense the ground beneath him or the wind above him. But he was sure they existed. He had no proof, he had no experience either, but they were there. He knew this like he knew he was a boy, and the sky was blue. There was simply no questioning it because it was just the truth. He didn't know how he knew what a body was when the boy couldn't see, or that leaves were green (or even what green was) or how exhilarating leather felt beneath his skin, but he knew. The boy knew this like he knew everything else. There was no evidence, no fact to point it out, but the boy trusted what he knew, and he knew what was right.

There wasn't much else other than the heat. There was no light or sensation beneath the boy's fingertips or the sun kissing his pale lips. It was just hot, hotter than it should be. The boy groaned instinctively, in a way that every human does when in discomfort, but he was absolutely sure it wasn't supposed to slip out. There was no logical reason, but he shouldn't make a noise. He couldn't even breathe too hard, or else something horrible would happen. He didn't know what, but he had the sensation, like icy fingers poking his spine, a tie knotted tightly around his throat, a breathy whisper just beyond his earlobe, and a short punch to the gut. 

If he brought too much attention to himself, it would bring about something akin to the end of the world. 

The boy might've stayed that way for years or for a few seconds. Was he even breathing? He didn't know. If he was alive, why couldn't he feel anything beyond the oppressive heat? Why was he in this limbo? Was this hell? Had he failed so horribly that he went to hell? But what did he not do? How did he know these things? 

No answers were shared.

[...]

Eventually, the heat went away. It was replaced by a coolness that relieved the boy. His state had changed, so something must've happened. But what? The vast nothingness before he didn't answer, though he wasn't expecting it to. He hoped it would; that would be nice.

[...]

Time must've passed because the boy couldn't accept otherwise. Was he insane if he was wrong? He already knew that something wasn't right with him. He knew things without ever having to experience them before. He knew things that'd never happened, yet they happened every day. He knew they did, so they must've. But he had no reason to believe himself, now did he?

So thus, time must've passed; otherwise, the boy is wrong. So very, very wrong. And if he's wrong about the time, then he's wrong about the beautiful sun-touched boys on concrete, wrong about the loud squeaks on the polished floor, wrong about the way the boy's blood sang when the ball flew through the hoop. And if he's wrong about those things, then they never happened. 

If they never happened... was everything a lie? No, no. That couldn't be true! The boy loved the things he knew; he cherished them dearly. If they're wrong... if they never happened... that means the boy had to let go of them. And if he didn't have what he knew, then he had nothing. A boy with nothing is nothing. 

And that is the most unacceptable thing of all. 

The boy would not be nothing; he simply refused.

[...]

Sometimes, the boy asked the "Nothingness" around him questions. Did the "Nothingness" know the sun? Did they ever see the eloquence of cherry blossoms? Did they ever feel freezing, rushing water between their toes? The "Nothingness" never answered, and the boy kind of expected that.

The "Nothingness" had nothing, knew nothing, and that's why it was nothing. So, of course, it wouldn't answer. Out of shame or the sheer fact that it could not, the boy didn't know. Or even perhaps, the boy did not speak. It wasn't a pleasant thought to think that you make no noise in the infinite "Nothingness." It made you feel small and insignificant. The boy banished the thought as best he could, but it always strayed back, like a lonely little dog looking for a friend.

Sometimes the boy humors that lonely dog, but not for long. The dog scares the boy, and he doesn't like to be afraid. The boy preferred to think of incredible things like leather under his skin, the satisfying swish of white rope, and the laughter of people the boy did not know. 

[...]

The boy nearly had a heart attack when he first felt something. You have to understand that the boy was used to the "Nothingness" around him. It wasn't at all fascinating to be eternally surrounded by the "Nothingness," but quite the opposite. Even still, it was familiar. Something the boy clung to like a pathetic child. The boy knew that the "Nothingness" wasn't how the world was supposed to be like, but he didn't have a clue how to fix it, so he just drifted on like a lazy leaf in a seemingly endless stream. 

So when the boy felt smooth linen beneath his hand, it went a little something like this:

His heart leaped into his throat. His mouth opened in a soundless scream, and he spasmed in reflex. In his legs, chest, neck, and even his arms, he could feel his heartbeat pound and pound and pound. Louder and louder, it went, feeling as though his heart would eventually make the blood explode from underneath his skin. 

Soon enough, though, he calmed down enough to realize, wait... his arms, legs, and chest... he felt that. The boy felt his mouth open in shock, and he felt soft sheets under his hand. Feeling. 

That was the time the boy realized that he was no longer surrounded by the "Nothingness." There was now something much more. Proof. Here was physical evidence that the boy was right. He knew things. He had things. 

For the first time, the boy was not nothing.

[...]

Huzzah!

The boy is not a nothing, and that's reason enough for him to celebrate. But even still, he's only a something. The boy is positive that he was more than a "something." Before, at least. The boy isn't sure what happened to cause this sudden change, but the boy can fix... well, he doesn't know that for sure. But he knew that he was real, and if the boy believed in himself and what was known, everything would work out just fine; he just had to be patient. It worked out so far, so there's no reason to fix what isn't broken. 

[...]

Now, each and every second of his being was suspended in anticipation. The boy waited and waited for the moment he'd feel another thing. The linen was something the boy didn't think he'd ever get accustomed to. After being with the "Nothingness" for so long, it was hard to adjust to something new. It was plenty enough for him, yet not enough at the same time. The linen was heavenly, but the boy knew that feeling alone was not enough to prove he was right. He needed more facts, more information.

He needed sight. 

The thing was, the boy waited so long for feeling. He didn't know if he could last for sight. He didn't know if he'd ever even get to see. Nothing is the only eternal thing. If the boy is something, then he cannot be everlasting. There is no compromise, only this or that. So at one point or another, the boy must end. It was another matter entirely if he'd go away with sight.

[...]

The boy did not remember much. At least, he didn't think he did. He knew the sky, the sun, the clouds, and the wind. He could recall the feeling of snow brushing against his face and smooth, polished wood under his hand. The boy knew he had an entire body, with a functioning mouth, nose, eyes, etc., and he knew that, for the most part, other people had the same. 

But the boy could not remember the bodies of other people for the life of him. He knew what they were supposed to look like, where the nose was supposed to go, and how eyes were supposed to look, and the like, but he did not remember specific details for specific people. Why?! Why couldn't he remember other people? He- if he ever escaped the "Nothingness," would he have anyone to talk to? Was there anyone waiting for him outside the "Nothingness"? If there was no one out there, what was the point of leaving the "Nothingness"?

No, that's a stupid question. Even if there were no one out there, that didn't mean it was worth it to stay in the "Nothingness." It just meant that the boy would have to keep himself company. People were not the only things outside of the "Nothingness," there were other things, like the grass, the trees, and dogs. All of that should be plenty enough reason for the boy to leave the "Nothingness."

It took a little encouragement sometimes, but the boy kept his goal of leaving the "Nothingness" behind.

[...]

The feeling of linen had grown beyond just the boy's hand. It'd grown to a gentle weight around his midriff, and silky smoothness wrapped around his arm, the plushness under his head. The boy was becoming aware of things beyond the "Nothingness," and it'd be ridiculous to say the boy was anything short of ecstatic. 

The boy knew that, as he became more aware of the world around him, he'd soon be able to proudly announce he can use another sense. Whether it was scent, hearing, or otherwise, it was a novel idea. He couldn't wait. The boy wanted to taste the sweetness of strawberry milk. He wanted the ocean salt dancing on his tongue and the fire warming his frozen hands. He wanted to see dazzling amethyst, sparkling emerald, deep cobalt, fiery red, gleaming carmine, and glowing amber. He craved to feel rough calluses brush his own and soft black fur to swish between his legs. 

The boy wanted what he knew and what he knew went far beyond the "Nothingness."

[...]

The boy learned to hear something next. The boy was not as surprised this time since he's been waiting for this with his entire being. He was ready for it. 

The boy remembered sounds from Before, but he never realized how magical everything feels when you experience it for the first time in a long while. 

KKKRRRRRRRKKKK

First, it started with static. The boy swore he shot into the sky with how exultant he became. He could hardly feel the soft linen sheets around him and the soft fluffiness underneath. The noise grew with time, even though it was impossible to know how much passed. 

_"May all... dreams... tonight... safe upon... moonlight... know... pain or care... I'll fly... sleep... sleep..."_

The boy wasn't 100 percent sure, but... wasn't that a song? It'd been so long! The boy couldn't catch the whole verse, but... yes, it was a song! The disembodied Voice wavered beautifully. Music was definitely one of the finest achievements of all mankind. A soft piano tune played sweetly in the back of the boy's mind like a white noise that he nearly missed. How could he have forgotten this? 

There was a strong sense of deja vu. The song was painfully familiar, but he couldn't quite finish the lullaby. Yes, it was a lullaby! How did the boy not think of this before? Those countless moments where the boy thought of everything he knew. How did the boy miss such a magical experience as music? He remembered the sun, earth, and sky, but not song?

What else was the boy missing? 

[...]

The lullaby circled throughout the boy's mind. What was the name of the lullaby? Why did the boy connect so strongly with it? How did the rest of the song go? The boy wanted answers. He was desperate. More than ever, the "Nothingness" seemed to be an unwelcoming, silent entity holding the boy down. The "Nothingness" was barring the boy from freedom. The lullaby only proved that there was so much more than the boy didn't know, knowledge he didn't have. 

Would this unattained knowledge mold him into a someone, rather than a something?

[...]

_"But such is the way is the way of the limelight; it sweetly takes hold of the mind of its host."_

More and more, the Voice added more lyrics to the boy's collection. He hoarded each new word jealously. He never wanted to forget these things. If he lost even a single piece of knowledge, it would setback his progress. The boy had already lost so much time. Now that he knew there was so much more out there. He had an idea of how to become a someone again. 

And the boy was ready for change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song referenced was "Lullaby for a Princess" by ponyphonic. I totally recommend it.


End file.
